After more than eight months of faithfully practicing recapitulation, I became able to practice all day without getting bored or distracted. One day, while I was visualizing the buildings where I had spent my last year of school, the classrooms, the teachers I had had, I became so involved in walking the corridors between the desks and seeing where my classmates sat that I ended up talking to myself.
— If you talk to yourself, you won’t be able to breathe correctly— I heard a man’s voice say.
The shock was so great that I hit my head against the cave wall. I opened my eyes. The image of the classroom disappeared when I turned to peer at the cave entrance. Silhouetted against the light of the opening, I saw a man crouching. I immediately knew it was the sorcerer, the man I had once seen in the hills. He was wearing the same green leather jacket and the same pants, but this time I could see his profile: he had a prominent nose and a slightly bulging forehead.
— Don’t stare — I heard the sorcerer say. His voice was deep and rumbled like a torrent over the pebbles. — If you want to learn more about breathing, stay very calm and regain your balance.
I continued to breathe deeply until his presence stopped scaring me, and I felt relieved because I was finally meeting the master. He sat cross-legged at the cave entrance and bent over as Clara always did.
— Your movements are too abrupt — he murmured softly. — Breathe like this.
He took a deep breath, gently turning his head to the left. Then he exhaled completely, gently turning his head to the right. Finally, he rotated his head from the right shoulder to the left and back to the right without breathing, then returned to the center. I copied his movements, inhaling and exhaling as deeply as possible.
— That’s it — he said. — When you exhale, throw away all the thoughts and feelings you are reviewing. Don’t just turn your head with your neck muscles. Guide it with the invisible energy lines of your abdomen. Stimulating these lines to come out is one of the tasks of recapitulation.
He explained that just below the navel there was a fundamental center of power and that all body movements, including breathing, had to involve that energetic point. He suggested that I synchronize the rhythm of my breathing with the movement of my head, so that together they would stimulate the invisible energetic lines of my abdomen to expand toward infinity.
— Are these lines part of my body or should I imagine them? — I asked.
He changed position on the ground before answering.
— These invisible lines are part of your subtle body, your double — he explained. — The more energy you stimulate by manipulating these lines, the stronger your double becomes.
— What I want to know is this: are they real or just imaginary?
— When the expansion of perception occurs, nothing is real and nothing is imaginary — he said. — There is only perception. Close your eyes and find out for yourself.
I didn’t want to close my eyes. I wanted to see what he was doing, in case he made any sudden movements. But my body became limp and heavy, and my eyes began to close, despite my efforts to keep them open.
— What is the double?— I managed to ask before sinking into a sleepy lethargy.
— That’s a good question. It means one side of you is still alert and listening.
I felt him breathing deeply and inflating his chest.
— The physical body is a shell, a container, if you prefer — he said after exhaling slowly. — By concentrating on your breathing, you can make the solid body dissolve, leaving only the subtle, ethereal part.
He corrected himself, explaining that the physical body doesn’t dissolve, but by changing the direction of our consciousness, we begin to realize that it was never solid. This perception is the exact inversion of what happened during our maturation. As children, we were fully aware of our double; as we grew up, we learned to value the physical side more and more and our ethereal being less. As adults, we are totally unaware of the existence of our subtle side.
— The subtle body is a mass of energy— he explained. — We are only aware of its external, solid shell. We become aware of our ethereal side by allowing our intent to return to it. He stressed that our physical body is inseparably linked to its ethereal counterpart, but that this link has been clouded by our thoughts and feelings. To transfer the perception of our concrete appearance to its fluid counterpart, we must first dissolve the barrier that separates the two aspects of our being.
I wanted to ask how this could be done, but it was impossible to express my thoughts.
— Recapitulation helps dissolve our preconceptions— he answered me — but it takes skill and concentration to reach the double. Right now you are using your ethereal part to some extent. You are half asleep, but some part of you is awake and alert, it can hear me and feel my presence.
He warned me of the considerable danger of releasing the energy trapped within us, as the double is vulnerable and can be easily harmed during the process of shifting our perception to it.
— You can, inadvertently, create an opening in the etheric network and lose large amounts of energy — he warned. — Precious energy, necessary for maintaining a certain level of clarity and control in your life.
— What is the etheric network? — I murmured, as if talking in my sleep.
— The etheric network is the luminosity that surrounds the physical body — he explained. — This energy network is torn into pieces during daily life. Large portions are lost or entangled in the energy bands of other people. If a person loses too much life force, they get sick or die.
His voice had calmed me so completely that I was breathing with my abdomen, as if I were in a deep sleep. I had reclined against the cave wall, but I wasn’t feeling the discomfort of the rough wall.
— Breathing acts on the physical and ethereal levels — he explained.
— It repairs any existing damage in the etheric network and keeps it strong and pliable.
I wanted to ask something about my recapitulation, but I couldn’t formulate the words; they seemed too distant. Without me asking the question, he once again offered the answer:
— This is what you have been doing in the last months with your recapitulation. You are pulling back filaments of energy from your etheric network, which have been lost or entangled as a result of your daily life.
By concentrating on this interaction, you are bringing back everything you have dispersed over 20 years and in thousands of places.
I wanted to know if the double had a specific shape or color. I was thinking of auras. He didn’t answer. After a long silence, I forced myself to open my eyes and saw that I was alone in the cave. I struggled to see beyond the darkness to the light of the cave opening where I had first seen his profile at the entrance. I suspected he had slipped out and was waiting for me nearby, to then leave. When I looked, a fragment of brilliant light appeared, hovering about 70 centimeters away from me. The illusion surprised me, but at the same time it fascinated me so deeply that I couldn’t look away. I had the irrational certainty that the light was alive, conscious, and perceiving my attention turned to it. Suddenly, the shimmering sphere expanded to twice its size and was surrounded by a ring of intense purple.
Frightened, I closed my eyes tightly, hoping the light would disappear so I could get out of the cave without passing through it. My heart was pounding in my chest and I was sweating. My throat was dry and tight. I slowed the rhythm of my breathing. When I opened my eyes, the light had disappeared. I was tempted to explain the event as a dream, as I often dozed off during recapitulation. But the memory of the sorcerer and his words was so vivid that I was practically certain that everything had been real.
Cautiously, I crawled out of the cave, put on my shoes and took the shortcut home. Clara was standing next to the living room door, as if she were waiting for me. Out of breath, I abruptly said that either I had just talked to the sorcerer or I had had the most real of dreams about him. She smiled and pointed to the armchair with a movement of her chin. I was speechless. There he was, the same man who had been with me in the cave a few minutes earlier, only wearing different clothes. Now he wore a gray cardigan, a shirt, and custom-made pants.
He was much older than I had thought, but also much more vigorous. It was impossible to define his age; he could have been 40 or 70. He appeared to be extremely strong, neither thin nor corpulent. He was dark-skinned and looked Indian. He had a prominent nose, a well-defined mouth, a square chin, and sparkling black eyes with the same intense expression I had seen in the cave. All these features were accented by short, full, and shiny white hair. The impressive thing about his hair was that it did not age him, as white hair generally does. I remembered how my father had aged when his hair turned silver and how he disguised it with dyes and hats; it was all useless, because the old age was in his face, in his hands, in his whole body.
— Taisha, I want to introduce you to Mr. John Michael Abelar — said Clara.
The man stood up politely and extended his hand.
— Very pleased to meet you, Taisha — he said in perfect English, giving me a strong handshake.
I wanted to ask what he was doing there and how he had changed clothes so quickly, and if he had really been in the cave or not. A dozen other questions crossed my mind, but I was too shocked and intimidated to express any of them. I pretended to be calm and not at all as shaken as I really was. I commented on his perfect English and the clarity with which he had expressed himself when speaking to me in the cave.
— That’s kind of you — he said with a gentle smile. — But I had to speak English well. I’m a Yaqui Indian. I was born in Arizona.
— Do you live in Mexico, Mr. Abelar? — I asked, awkwardly.
— Yes, I live in this house. I live here with Clara.
He looked at Clara in a way that I could only describe as deep affection. I didn’t know what to say. I felt shy, inhibited, for some unknown reason.
— We are not husband and wife — said Clara, as if she wanted to put me at ease, and the two of them started to laugh.
Instead of easing the situation, the laughter made me even more embarrassed. Then, to my dismay, I recognized the emotion I was feeling: it was pure jealousy. Taken by an inexplicable possessive impulse, I felt that he belonged to me. I tried to hide my embarrassment by quickly asking some superficial questions.
— Have you lived in Mexico for a long time?
— Yes — he said.
— Are you thinking of returning to the United States?
He stared at me with his intense eyes, then smiled and said, charmingly:
— Those details are not important, Taisha. Why don’t you ask me questions about the topic we discussed in the cave? Was something not clear?
Following Clara’s suggestion, we sat down; Clara and I on the sofa, and Mr. Abelar in the wingback chair. I asked if he could talk a little more about the double. The concept interested me deeply.
— Some people are masters of the double— he began. — They can not only concentrate their perception on the double, but also stimulate it to act. Most people, however, are barely aware of the existence of the ethereal side.
— What does the double do? — I asked.
— Anything we want it to do; it can jump over trees or fly, or become large or small, or take the form of an animal. It can become aware of people’s thoughts, or become a thought and travel the greatest distances in a second.
— It can even act as the person themselves — Clara interjected, looking directly at me.— If you know how to use it, you can appear before someone and talk to them as if you were really there.
Mr. Abelar nodded.
— In the cave, you were able to perceive my presence with your double. And it was only when your reason woke up that you doubted if the experience had been real.
— I’m still doubting— I said.— Were you really there?
— Of course— he replied with a wink.— Just as I’m really here.
For a moment I wondered if I was alone now, but my reason assured me it was impossible. Just to be sure, I touched the table; it was solid.
— How did you do that? — I asked, leaning back on the sofa. Mr. Abelar was silent for a moment, as if he were choosing his words.
— I left my physical body and allowed my double to take command— he explained. — If our consciousness is linked to the double, we are not influenced by the laws of the physical world; we are governed by ethereal forces. However, as long as consciousness remains linked to the physical body, our movements are limited by gravity and other forces.
I still didn’t understand if this meant he could be in two places at the same time. He seemed to sense my doubt.
— Clara told me that you are interested in martial arts — said Mr. Abelar. — The difference between the average person and the kung fu expert is that the latter has learned to control his subtle body.
— My karate teachers used to say the same thing — I commented. — They insisted that martial arts exercised the subtle side of the body, but I could never understand what they meant.
— What they probably meant was that when a professional attacks, he hits vulnerable points on his enemy’s subtle body — he explained. — It is not the power of the physical body that is destructive, but the opening it makes in the enemy’s ethereal body. Through that opening he can throw a force capable of tearing the etheric network, causing great damage. A person can receive what at the time may seem like only a light blow, but hours or maybe days later, that person may die from the blow.
— Exactly — Clara agreed. — Don’t be fooled by external movements or what you see. It’s not what you see that matters.
I had heard similar stories from my karate masters. When I asked how these feats were performed, they couldn’t give me a coherent explanation. At the time I thought that, being Japanese, my teachers couldn’t express such subtleties of thought in English. Now Mr. Abelar was explaining something similar and, although his command of English was perfect, I still couldn’t understand what he meant by subtle body or double, nor how to get in touch with its mysterious powers.
I was wondering if Mr. Abelar was a martial artist, but before I could ask him, he continued:
— The true martial art, as Clara described it to me, with her learning in China, is dedicated to the control of the subtle body. And the double is controlled not by our intellect, but by our intent. There is no way to think about it or understand it rationally. It has to be felt, because it is interconnected with some luminous lines of energy that cross the universe. — He touched his own head and pointed upward— For example, a line of energy that starts from the top of the head gives the double its goal and direction. This line lifts and attracts the double wherever it goes. If you want it to ascend, you just have to have the intent. If you want it to plunge into the ground, you just have to have the intent to go down. It’s as simple as I’m telling you.
At this point, Clara asked me if I remembered what she had told me in the garden, the day we did the breathing exercises in the sun; how the crown of the head always needed protection. I replied that I remembered very clearly — because since then I had been afraid to leave the house without a hat. Then she asked me if I would be able to understand what Mr. Abelar was saying.
I assured her that I had no difficulty understanding him, even though I didn’t understand the concepts. Paradoxically, what he was saying seemed incomprehensible to me, but at the same time it was familiar and credible.
Clara nodded and said that it happened because he was speaking directly to a side of me that was not rational and had the ability to grasp things directly, especially if a sorcerer spoke to it directly.
Clara was right. There was something about Mr. Abelar that made me even more comfortable than Clara had said. It wasn’t his polite manners and soft speech, but something in the intensity of his eyes that forced me to listen and follow his explanations, even though, rationally, they seemed absurd. I heard myself ask questions as if I knew what I was talking about.
— Will I ever be able to reach my subtle body? I asked.
— The question, Taisha, is: do you want to reach it?
For a moment I hesitated. With my recapitulation, I had discovered that I am complacent and cowardly, and that my first reaction is to avoid anything that is uncomfortable or frightening. But I also had an enormous curiosity to experience unusual things, and, as Clara had once told me, I had a certain reckless daring.
— I have a lot of curiosity about the double — I said — . therefore, I really want to get in touch with it.
— Whatever the price?
— Yes, except selling my body— I said, not very convincingly. When they heard that, both laughed so hard I thought they would have a seizure right there on the floor. I hadn’t intended to be funny, because in truth I didn’t know for sure what secret plans they had for me. As if following the course of my thoughts,
Mr. Abelar said it was time for me to get familiar with certain premises of their world. He straightened up and took on an air of seriousness.
— The involvements of men and women are no longer our concern — he said. — This means that we are not interested in man’s morality, immorality, or even amorality. All our energy is concentrated on exploring new paths.
— Can you give me an example of a new path, Mr. Abelar? — I asked.
— Certainly. How about the task you are involved in, recapitulation? I am talking to you now because, through recapitulation, you have stored enough energy to break certain physical limits. You have perceived, even if only for a moment, inconceivable things that are not part of your normal inventory, to use Clara’s terminology.
— My normal inventory is pretty weird — I warned him. — I’m starting to realize, with the recapitulation of the past, that I was crazy. In fact, I still am. Proof of this is that I am here and I can’t tell if I’m awake or dreaming.
Hearing this, they both burst into laughter again, as if they were watching a comedy show and the comedian had just told a joke.
— I know very well how crazy you are— Mr. Abelar said, determinedly.
— But not because you are here with us. More than crazy, you are indulgent. However, since the day you came here, contrary to what you might think, you have not been as condescending as in the past. Thus, in all fairness, I would say that some of the things Clara told me you did, like entering what we call the world of shadows, was neither indulgence nor craziness. It was a new path; something nameless and unimaginable from the point of view of the normal world.
A long silence followed, which made me restless and uneasy. I wanted to say something to break the silence, but I couldn’t think of anything. And the worst was that Mr. Abelar kept glancing at me. Finally, he whispered something to Clara and they both laughed softly, which deeply irritated me, because, to my mind, there was no doubt that they were laughing at me.
— Maybe I’d better go to my room— I said, getting up.
— Sit down, we’re not finished yet — said Clara.
— You can’t imagine how much we appreciate having you here with us — Mr. Abelar said suddenly. — We find you amusing because you are very eccentric. Soon you will meet another member of our group, a person as eccentric as you, only much older. Seeing you reminds us of him when he was young. That’s why we’re laughing. Please forgive us.
I hated being laughed at, but the apology was so sincere that I accepted it. Mr. Abelar returned to talking about the double as if nothing else had been said.
— As we abandon our ideas of the physical body, little by little or all at once— he said— , perception begins to transfer to our subtle side. To facilitate the transfer, our physical side must remain absolutely calm, suspended, as if it were immersed in a deep sleep. The difficulty is in convincing our physical body to cooperate, as it is rarely willing to give up control.
— So how do I abandon my physical body? — I inquired.
— You deceive it — he said. — You make your body feel as if it is deeply asleep; you deliberately quiet it by withdrawing your consciousness from it. When your body and mind are at rest, your double awakens and takes command.
— I don’t think I understand — I said.
— Don’t play devil’s advocate with us, Taisha — Clara retorted.
— You must have already done that in the cave. For you to have perceived the nagual, you have to have used your double.
You were sleeping and yet you were conscious at the same time.
What caught my attention in Clara’s statement was the way she had spoken of Mr. Abelar. She had called him “the nagual.” I asked what the word meant.
— John Michael Abelar is the nagual — she announced proudly. — He is my guide; the source of my life and well-being. He is not my man, as far as imagination goes, however, he is the love of my life. When he is all that for you, then he will be the nagual for you too. In the meantime, he is Mr. Abelar, or even John Michael.
Mr. Abelar laughed, as if everything Clara had said was just a joke, but Clara held my gaze long enough to make me realize she was speaking every word seriously.
The silence that followed was finally broken by Mr. Abelar:
— To activate the subtle body, you first have to open certain physical centers that function as portals. When all the portals open, your double can emerge from its protective shell. Otherwise, it will remain forever enclosed in its outer shell.
He asked Clara to get a mat from the closet, laid it on the floor and asked me to lie on my back, arms at my sides.
— What are you going to do to me? — I asked, suspiciously.
— It’s not what you’re thinking — he retorted. Clara chuckled.
— Taisha is really suspicious of men— she explained to Mr. Abelar.
— That hasn’t done you any good— he replied, leaving me deeply embarrassed. Then, looking at me, he explained that he was going to show me a simple method of shifting consciousness from my physical body to the etheric network that surrounds it. — Lie down and close your eyes, but don’t fall asleep— he ordered.
Embarrassed, I did what he asked, feeling strangely vulnerable, lying there in front of him. He knelt beside me and spoke to me in a soft voice:
— Imagine lines coming out the sides of your body, starting from your feet.
— What if I can’t imagine them?
— If you want to, you certainly will. Use all your strength to have the intent for the lines to exist.
He explained that it wasn’t really about imagining the lines, but a mysterious act, which consisted of pulling them from the lateral region of the body, starting from the big toes and continuing to the top of the head. He stated that I should also feel lines emanating from the soles of my feet and descending and enveloping my entire body, up to the back of my neck; and also other lines, which radiated from my forehead and went up and down along the front of my body, to my feet, thus forming a luminous energy network or cocoon.
— Practice this until you can abandon your physical body and focus your attention, whenever you want, on your luminous network — he said. — In the end, you will be able to concentrate and maintain that network with a single thought.
I tried to relax. Mr. Abelar’s voice was soothing, hypnotizing; sometimes it seemed to come from very close, and other times from far away.
He explained that if the network was rigid in some part of my body, it was difficult to stretch the lines or the lines were tangled, it would mean that that location was weak or injured.
— You can heal those regions by allowing the double to expand the etheric network — he said.
— How can I do that?
— By having intent, but not with your thoughts. Intend with your intent, which is the layer below your thoughts. Listen carefully, look for it beneath your thoughts, far from them. Intent is so distant from thoughts that we cannot talk about it; we can’t even feel it. But we can certainly use it.
I couldn’t even conceive how I could intend with my intent. Mr. Abelar said that I should not have much difficulty in casting my network, because, in the last months, without knowing it, I had been projecting those ethereal lines during my recapitulation. He suggested that I start by concentrating on my breathing. After a time that seemed like hours, during which I must have dozed off once or twice, I could finally feel an intense tingling heat in my feet and head. The heat expanded, forming a ring that enveloped my entire body.
In a soft voice, Mr. Abelar reminded me that I should concentrate my attention on the heat outside my body and try to stretch it, casting it from the inside out and allowing it to expand.
I concentrated on my breathing, until all the tension in my body disappeared. As I relaxed, I let the tingling heat find its own way; it did not move outward or expand, but rather contracted, until I felt like I was lying in a gigantic balloon, floating in space. For a moment I was gripped by panic; my breathing stopped and I felt suffocated momentarily. But then something outside of myself took command and began to breathe for me. Waves of soothing energy enveloped me, expanding and contracting until everything went dark and I could no longer focus my consciousness on anything.
(The Sorcerers Crossing, Taisha Abelar)
